The conservative response to "The Daily Show" is set to air - and word is it sucks

I am a person that is routinely behind the times when it comes to pop-culture. After "American Idol" ended last season, I asked everyone who the old guy that had his picture taken with Simon was (it was Taylor Hicks). I didn't know who Biggie Smalls or Tupac were until a good two years after Biggie was killed. To this day, all I know about "Lost" is that die-hard fans think it's turned to shit, and that one big guy with hair hasn't lost any weight despite being stuck on a desert island for three seasons.

There is only one thing I was ahead of the curve on in my life, and it is altogether possible that on my death bed I will cite this feat as being one of the great accomplishments of my life.

I was watching "The Daily Show" when Jon Stewart took over in 1999. And I did it without basic cable.

Real Player used to have a feature where you could watch clips from Comedy Central's shows, which then included "Upright Citizen's Brigade" and "Strangers With Candy", but was always preceded by a clip from the headlines of "The Daily Show". The headlines would be updated every day, and before long, I made a point of getting online, using dial-up, mind you, to watch Stewart's take on the events of the day.

He was funny. I told everyone I knew that this guy was funny, and his barbs were rather sharp. I told everyone about these two funny correspondents he had on the show, two guys nobody had ever heard of: Steve Carell and Stephen Colbert.

I found them first. Ask my parents if you don't believe me. I win.

So, of course, when "24" creator and executive producer Joel Surnow* announced he was starting a counter-program on Fox News, "The 1/2 Hour News Hour", I felt like someone was threatening to beat up my little brother. Then I realized that it was going to be on Fox News, was being executive-produced by a guy that makes an although entertaining, utterly ridiculous action show**, and was created specifically to have a right-leaning political slant. I knew right away this was going to suck, because if there's one thing conservatives are lousy at, it's comedy. If there are two things, comedy and haircuts.***

A clip from the show was leaked online earlier this week, and there's already been some heavy criticism. Comedy Central's insider blog has sounded off here and here; Slate put up a pretty comprehensive analysis here. The lead-off joke as Slate reports goes thusly:

"Illinois Senator Barack Obama admits that as a teenager he sometimes used cocaine. This news sent Obama's approval rating among Democrats plummeting to an all-time low of 99.9 percent."

Wow. Remember when I mentioned writing a humor column in high school that was Mad TV-caliber funny on occasion? This is on-par with a stand-up bit I did in elementary school. This goes without saying that this story was here and gone over a month ago - it's not funny for the exact same reason why my upcoming thoughts on the media coverage of Anna Nicole Smith's passing won't be funny. It's like making a Monica Lewinsky joke (which other noted conservative funnyman/fat-fuck Rush Limbaugh still drops every now and then).

You want some tips on how to make a funny joke, Fox News? I'll help, I'm not sure you'll like the punch line.

You want help anyway? Okay. Don't say I didn't warn you.

"An excerpt from Barack Obama's autobiography was brought to light last month, wherein he admits to using cocaine as a teenager. It's still hard to gauge how this will affect Obama's candidacy, but it's unlikely that voters would elect a candidate with a history of drug abuse to the nation's highest office.
...well...fairly unlikely."

Sorry, Fox News. It really is the most obvious joke that I can think of, at least.

Catch the suck when it premieres this Sunday night. The Daily Show and Colbert Report will be there to cleanse the pallet as per usual on Monday.


*Read an interview in The New Yorker where Surnow shows he's mildly crazy, such as his insistence that torture is an effective way of extracting information despite almost every military and intelligence authority arguing otherwise or the fact he wants to make a counter-movie to George Clooney's Good Night, And Good Luck that shows Joseph McCarthy as "an American hero or, maybe, someone with a good cause who maybe went too far" here.

**Don't get me wrong, I think "24" is entertaining, I own all the seasons on DVD, even though I've only seen two and a half seasons' worth - yet another pop-culture staple on which I'm woefully behind the times.

***Let's not even get into Bush and the Neo-Cons in this post, because I will likely start foaming at the mouth.